Ironic that hindsight is 20/20 when it’s the one year no one is going to want to look back on

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) November 30, 2020

So funny when unhealthy foods try to advertise health benefits, when there’s an overwhelming number of negative aspects. Just saw a commercial where Hot Pockets were bragging about protein. Promoting a Hot Pocket for the protein would be like promoting a coma for the rest.

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) July 9, 2020

*Staring at a television while my phone charges in the other room*

“Gosh it’s so nice to have a break from technology”

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) August 1, 2021

Me after realizing that the word ‘disintegrated’ means that something is no longer integrated pic.twitter.com/C2ecn4H5wW

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) July 16, 2020

All this quarantining has caused me to watch far too much television. Netflix has always asked if I’m still watching, but now the “still” is capitalized.

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) December 15, 2020

Life hack: if you reheat all of your Chinese food together in a pan on the stove, it then becomes a stir fry and is, thus, healthier.

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) June 14, 2021

Just walked by an ad for a Korean dating site and I can’t believe they named it “KoreanCupid” and not “Seoulmates”

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) November 17, 2020

Roommate: I can’t believe the closest Starbucks to our apartment is 8 blocks away

Brain:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it

Me: more like Farbucks.

— Tommy O'Regan (@tommy_oregan) February 21, 2019